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            Katie, Sean, and Angela think this will be a normal Spring break, but they are in for a big surprise. Little do they know but the cabin they have just picked out is where a serial killer has chosen to hide. They arrive at the cabin at super time but instead of unpacking they decide to go out exploring. They return to the cabin to enjoy a fun night of drinking and laughing. When they walk into the cabin they realize something is not right but chose to ignore it. As they sit there drinking and playing cards a man outside the window watches them to see whom he will kill first.

            After a long day they all turn in and try to get some sleep. As the sun rises Katie awakes with a jump. She’s not sure but she could have sworn that there was someone who had just touched her cheek. Of course that is impossible Angela and Sean don’t get up for another two hours. She gets up to investigate and sure enough Sean and Angela are both still sound asleep. Katie walks to the kitchen and begins to fix herself something to eat. Angela and Sean wake and get ready to go into to town for more beer. As they all pile into the car to leave they are soon stopped by the fact that their car won’t start. They of course are worried but just decide to stay there and enjoy their time together out in the woods. As the day continues they hear weird noises around the cabin. It sounds like it is coming from underneath the cabin. Finally, Angela and Katie talk Sean into going into the basement to check what is going on. When Sean gets to the basement nothing is out of place, but suddenly something in the corner catches his eye. As he turns to walk towards it he receives a shooting pain in his back. It is like nothing he has ever felt, and suddenly collapses. He cannot move so he begins to call out to Katie and Angela but suddenly another sharp blow this time he knows what is happening. He turns to see who is killing him and realizes he knows this person. Then another blow and its all over. The girls are screaming for Sean and no one answers do they go to investigate what is taking him so long. When they reach the basement they see his mangled body laying in the floor. They both begin to run into the woods screaming. Angela falls down the hill in front of them and hurts her leg. Katie turns around to help but hears the killer coming and runs to save her own life. The killer is soon on Angela mutilating her body. Katie hears Angela scream but continues to run. Finally, she runs into two men who are out hunting. She explains what has happened and they take her to their truck and into town. The police go out to the cabin and find the bodies. The find the killer standing over Angela’s body easting her heart. The arrest him and charge him with two counts of manslaughter. He is later convicted and put to death. 

For one thing that I've noticed, your paragraphs are HUGE. You may want to disect one into three, or something about that. Two, you've got the same Microsoft Work thing that infects everyone elses copy and paste routine. Other than that:

I agree with Lance that you should shorten your paragraphs. You could use a little more details in the first paragraph because that just seems like a summery of whats going to happen. I love how Sean recognises who the killer is but it's to late to let other people know. That part there really made the story.

i like tammys comment about Sean knowing the killer, but we never find out who the killer is, just that Sean knows him or her.

More paragraphs, description, etc. etc. Make it longer, more vivid, and more colorful.

I'm interested to see where this goes, it seems like a cross between Texas Chainsaw Massacre (with the cannibalism) and Friday the 13th (the camp/cabbin thing)

I'm with the rest of them wanting to know who the killer is. If sean knew him then katie and angela would probably know him too since they are all friends. I just think that would have made an even more dramatic ending if we found out who it was...like a class mate, or neighbor, or something. I think this story is over all very good though, you make it able for the readers to see the girls running through the woods and then the killer slumped over angelas dead body. Good Job!

It's a great plot line but you need some dialog. That will personalize it and make the reader relate to it more. If you identified the killer it would give the story more of a twist that I think everyone is yearning for. Good job!